Peace-at-any-price people are polite, generous, passive beings who- • Value peace above all else. • Try to avoid arguments, disagreements and fights. • Fear anger. • Have a history of childhood abuse, abandonment or neglect. • Put other people’s wants and needs ahead of their own. • Silently dislike aggressive people. • Do not like to ask for what they want. • Attract aggressive partners. • Stuff their feelings. • Avoid making decisions that affect others (i.e., choose movies, restaurants, etc.)
But walking on eggshells, giving in and swallowing feelings do not give them the peace they so desperately crave. Instead, they lead chaotic, hectic, hellish lives. Their eager-to-please personalities are the underlying cause of their need to under or over eat, to abuse alcohol and drugs, and to find other ways to run from life. Deborah Day Poor, a counselor and former peace-at-any-price person, describes how she found the root of her placating personality in her family tree, tied to a crime committed against her great grandmother — a crime that affected five generations. She reveals her own experiences and acquired strengths, as well as those of others who have successfully overcome the “please disease.” They candidly and courageously share their painful pasts, what they did to mend their wounded hearts, and how they finally found true inner peace. |